Some context for 12 November 2022 post
Ok, I always thought that I was bad with names and faces and maybe I’m just not trying hard enough. Also I worked as a temp for 4 years at a total of 40 companies – some more than once. So I have met a lot of people for short timescales. I thought that may be a contributing factor to my extremely bad memory recognising people outside their original context – e.g. If you took the morning train with me to Old Mutual weekly and suddenly I see you in a mall – I may not know who you are, without the familiar “background” of the train setting and me “expecting” you to be there.
My ex used to have this smile when people stop me and start to chat… we have a conversation.. and say our goodbyes – me avoiding any specifics and not introducing him for fear of having to “introduce” the other party and provide some context – “This is Sarah, she takes the train with me in the mornings.” I may even know how you drink your coffee (when we’re on the train) but right there.. right now.. in the mall, far away from the train and you in your weekend attire – sans office dress…
Colin – You don’t know who that is….
Me – Not a freaken clue – I know I know her from somewhere, just it could be anywhere.
She clearly knows me, but our discussion did not reveal any smidgeon of information that could provide context – Not even a see you on the train, Monday! That would have been helpful or just narrowed down the possiblities. Cause now I’m wondering.. where the hell DO I know you from?
This used to happen a lot – he kinda picked up on my “generic scripts” when I was caught off guard and franticly wrecking my brain trying to place the face in front of me in some context – Do I remember looking at you somewhere else? What’s in the background of that mental picture? Can I use that information to place you?
And somehow.. if someone ever caught on, no-one said anything directly. Much to Colin’s suprise…
[I’ve always identified with Hermoine – she is so definately a younger me! Incidently, according to ASD specialist Tony Attwood Hermoine is an almost textbook example of a Aspie girl See referenced video link – around 22:30 – but this is an incredible video to watch, please do… It’s a window into the Aspie world. He is super entertaining – I promise!]
I did not realise how bad it was until I met someone in a store after Covid and they were chatting as if we were BFF’s. I know I know her face, him I’m not so sure – the young boy – I don’t have any “close friends” that have a son of that age… But I KNOW her. She kinda looks like a relative in the Mc Pherson clan – but she has a younger baby girl and she’s single – so not her. This goes on for a good 10 minutes… keeping things light – letting her do the talking… nothing jumps out… and then he mentions the name of their pet. Lightning bolts strike – She was my neighbour where Colin and I lived before we divorced and I moved closer to work – for a good FOURTEEN YEARS!!!
I knew they had an older daughter, who was not present, but I didn’t know about the son as we didn’t really keep contact after I moved. If I was at the old house for some reason and they happened to be outside, we had a quick chat. However, a second child was never mentioned.
I walked away from that discussion – DUMBFOUNDED! It’s THAT bad? Had I seen her in her driveway, young son or not – I would have immediately recognised her. She is “where she belongs”.
Face blindess goes hand-in-hand with autism and also runs on a spectrum where some don’t even recognise themselves in a mirror and no people at all – bar using other markers beyond “facial recogniton”.
Me – if I have context and we have interacted a lot or you have something about you that I can “package” with your name – I would probably know who you are, if we interact relatively regularly.
Indicators of face blindness
- You may have found this exercise exhausting (a very high level “test” seeing if you can match the person in the photo with another different photo that may be the same person – not scientific, but it makes one think of what we take for granted everyday) * Italics my addition
- You often think you know people when you actually don’t.
- You are greeted by people and have no idea who they are.
- You can only describe people by their clothes and hair colour.
- In films, you sometimes fail to distinguish between different characters.
- When a close friend changed their hair style or grew/shaved a beard, you couldn’t recognise them. (Looking at you, Kari – I regularly wonder when this ‘new lady’ started working at our company when I glimpse you from the corner of my eye in the kitchen and you’ve changed your haircolour or style, despite us working together for more than 10 years – but you know that!)
- When you mix with a new group of people (school, work, clubs, etc), it takes a long time before you can recognise each individual.
- Your friends may be people that are easy for you to recognise eg they have distinctive clothes, accent or mannerisms.
- You may have a distinctive “look” of your own (I have had a distinctive hairstyle for 30 years!), thinking that it will help others recognise you more easily.
- You can only recognise people when they’re where you usually see them.
- You find it hard to spot your friends in a crowd eg clubs, parties, conferences, playgrounds…
- You find it easier to communicate by phone, email and social media.
- You might find navigation difficult, for example remembering a sequence of directions or recognising where you are/what direction you are going.
- Some face blind people find it hard to work out what is left or right.
- You’re not famous, but lots more people recognise you than you can recognise in return.
- If you see a person in two different places (eg a neighbour works in your company) you might think of them as two different people (I once bumped into a housemate when walking back from a social group and assumed they were someone I’d met there. “I didn’t know you lived around here…” I said as we neared our shared house!)
- You might find role-playing exercises stressful – suddenly everyone is no longer acting like you’re used to and you can’t recognise them!
- You recognise people mostly by their voice, their mannerisms, their walk, by what they talk about…
- Some people can’t recognise their own face in photos or in a mirror.
Source for above – an informal website created by someone with an interest and provides some tips and links to more formal documentation. I chose to include this because it explains the challenges and present it in a relatable language.
Ok, so this cruise was a challenge for me because here suddenly there was a big expedition team, my fellow “Weddell Seals” and the friends I’ve made on the journey so far.
All people expecting me to know them when I run into them on the ship. I got caught out a few times – you know who you are.
Some were easier than others – Joaquin with his dreads and laidback vibe, Lancy – just being Lancy, Molly with her distinctive plaits (the times I interacted with her anyways) and Dom (on the ship).
There was this big yellow scary creature that always kinda “ran the landings” managing getting people on/off the zodiacs – sometimes wearing some weird kitty hat – he intimidated the daylights out of me – I was so scared I was going to get flustered and NOT disembark the zodiac in the “Direction of the driver” I don’t even know left from right without looking at my hands for pete’s sake – see above! It definately was “all me”. I’m sure no-one else exprienced it that way, but yeah getting on/off the zodiac at a landing the first few days was a gauntlet in itself.
And then halfway through the cruise in a completely unrelated discussion, someone said “I don’t get how Dom can stand, sometimes hip height, in that cold water for hours managing the Zodiac landings” And I’m like… “WHAT – THAT’S DOM???” Looking back at the expedition team, it could not have been anyone else with his stature – but I just did NOT make the connection at all.
Then there were the four South-American guys – I know there are more, but I had a way of distinguishing them. These four I kinda grouped in this generic bundle.
After day two with Luis manning my Biosecurity vacuum station – a chat about cameras and his role as Expedition Photographer, there was context. I also noted that he was the one with dark hair, dark eyes but NO facial hair – so he became D’artagnan in my little world.
The other three – dark hair, dark eyes and facial hair – The Three Musketeers.
There was some “characters” in the team recognizable by their roles or in one case the way he somehow ALWAYS seemed to weave a particular sentance into ANY conversation/lecture – “Born and raised in Santiago, but later moved to Puerto Natales” – guy.
It took me a while to figure out that “Manbun”-guy was actually one of the musketeers and the only one with long hair, even if he wore it up – mostly.
Then there was “History” guy – the one with an interesting sense of humour. The day of the Orne Harbour landing we chatted after a lecture about some of his interests – there was some serious overlaps in that ‘venn-diagram’.. I impulsively promised “History” guy an electronic copy of something we discussed – and immediately after the conversation regretted it – not because I did not want to give it to him.. Realization dawned – He’s one of the musketeers – How am I going to know which one to give the flashdrive to? What if I give it to the wrong musketeer and he thinks I’m crazy. Why did you even DO that?
And then there was “Puss in boots” guy – the cocky one from the Jacket incident – up to that point I don’t think I’ve run into him again.
Spoiler alert – It turns out they are ALL THE SAME PERSON! The same musketeer!
I only learned to ‘recognize’ the second musketeer the morning of the Falklands Port Stanley excursion. I think it was Zoe that was working with him to get the group that signed up for the Volunteer Point excursion out onto the tender and deliver us to the guides waiting on shore. At some point she said.. “Jeah – just follow the guy with the goofy grin.” And the smile he gave her in response to that comment .. cemented it. “Goofy Grin” got context. He later got a name and at least if I see/hear his name I know who they are referring to.
The third musketeer remains a mystery – I now recognize him, if only by process of elimination at first. I won’t put my “Description” of him here – I don’t know him or if my impression is on-point. From social media posts linked to “History”-guy (who I have kept contact with) I know his instagram handle and THAT is who he will be to me – unless at some point I receive more information.
The fact that everyone in the expediton team looked completely different on the ship in their black shirts or sometimes – as my friend (who you’ll meet later – Derek) always said… “Their best barrista blue shirts” and whatever else they wore – mostly the black and blue uniforms… and then the various forms of “Outdoor” attire and paraphenalia – including beanies and different goggles/protective eyewear – did NOT exactly help tying the “on the ship” person to the “in the zodiac or during the landing” person.
When I discussed this with a baffled Lancy during my February trip the next year – he shook his head and “Helpfully” stated – Linda, I don’t understand – we all wear nametags! *Face palm* And thank you Lancy, for being well, Lancy 😛
OK – on to “Extras”
There is an impression that persons on the spectrum see other people as objects. That sounds seriously callous and I thought – ghee that’s weird, how would someone do that? Until at some point I realised that it aligns with my “Extras” situation.
I always got told – even by my immediate family that I live in my own little bubble and I have my own little circle and anyone beyond that pretty much dont exist as far as I’m concerned. Yikes!
It’s not exactly that premeditated – I interact with the people I know and need to for various reasons and some are closer than others. The rest is .. well “Extras”… like in a movie.. they are important, living their own lives, central characters in their own stories, they are just not for some reason (currently) important in MY movie. Some get a “Speaking” role and becomes “Man with dog”, “Engineer that has some special skill”, “Neighour person that lives below me and drives the small white car” – I would not recogize her or her car outside my complex.
And unfortunately – as per above- the name is usually the last piece of the puzzle.
Lastly, because I have to have something “Antarctica” themed… and its kinda relevant
Temple & Iceberg Trails: A Journey Through Asperger's 